Picture this...you wake up in the morning feeling perky or at least grateful that you...woke up, take a shower, put on your work clothes, have breakfast, dash out the door, jump into your brand new car and drive off before you know it, you are stuck in traffic for at least an hour...darn it! You are late for rehearsal, just then, an okada (motor bike) which is trying to manoeuvre through a tight space between your car and another motorist scratches your car in the process. The sound from the side of the car is long and frightful, like nails on a chalkboard...your heart sinks, before you have time to look out to check your car, the okada’s sped off on the sidewalk, chasing pedestrians off the path. What a f%^&ing shitty morning as you yell out GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you look to the heavens.
With the recession, no one can afford to incur any extra bills. Staring at the damage, i couldn’t help but think how screwed i was. Boy! Would i love to line up some okada’s up side by side and use my car as a bowling ball....score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t get me wrong, though i will never use them, they are quicker and cheaper to get you to your destination, but do they have to be a bloody menace? I once saw a family of four (mother, two kids, a baby strapped on back plus the driver) on one okada and the other day a man with a windscreen balanced on both his head and the driver’s head.
I mean, people are poor yes, but that doesn’t excuse the lack of common sense! A taxi ride cost a minimum of N500 (depends on distance to destination), bike ride maybe N100 or N150 how much would it cost the owner to re-purchase that windscreen if it breaks? Or hospital bills if any of those kids end up hurt in an accident? COME THE F&^% ON PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just at that moment i noticed the commotion in front, i leaned forward to get a closer look and there it was, the okada which scratched my car, toppled over with both passenger and driver on the ground. The passenger gets up frustrated and flings his helmet on the floor and walks off. i burst out laughing. With a grin from ear to ear, i let out a loud sigh and said; ‘God is good’...and then leaned forward again to make sure they weren’t badly hurt...leaned back, this time with a sigh of relief –traffic began to move
Amidst dealing with irresponsible creatures, traffic, chaos and unimaginable humidity, the air is stale filled with exhaust fumes and dust from all the construction work going on on the island. By the way, when will the Lekki road / toll gate be completed? Reduce our misery by one iota i beg of you.
More traffic up ahead. Perfect. I began looking around whilst sat in traffic and before too long, street vendors / hawkers blocked my view. These people stand by your window (even if u turn your gaze away so you are not bothered) pressing their goods – mobile top up cards, magazines, chewing gum, games, even puppies.
Another street vendor comes across with a magazine that caught my eye. I wind down slightly to ask the price. After being quoted some ridiculous price, i say to him “don’t worry, just looking” BIG MISTAKE. He angrily snatched his magazine from my hand and insulted me. As he was insulting me i wound up my window, closed my eyes, pictured heaven and began chanting in my mind; ‘i’m covered with the blood of Jesus’. MEHN! THE DAY IS GETTING BETTER ALREADY I THOUGHT.
Finally get to rehearsals, only to find my actors sat at a corner (they should have been at least be an hour into rehearsals.) some were sprawled, some were reading scripts. The manager of the venue was at his desk, legs crossed and reading the sports section of a newspaper. Trying not to yell i calmly asked what the problem was and without looking at me said there was no diesel for the generator. ‘so all the money paid for the use of this place is for what??’ he looked up at me and said ‘Madam, no be me get PHCN’
Back in the car, taking long deep breaths, i sped to the nearest petrol station. Starring at the long queues at the station, i packed my car across the road, and dashed across with a 50 litre empty gallon in hand which i collected from the ‘manager’ at the venue. As expected, it was rough. The hustle was way more than i could handle. I noticed the mechanic i used a week ago at the corner, went to him and pleaded with him to assist me. He agreed after he saw a shinny N1000 note brought out the ‘better’ side of him. Gave me the money for diesel and the gallon, pointed to where the car was parked and casually went to sit in my car with the radio on. Forty minutes later, he signalled to me from across the street and told me to bring the car round. I started the engine and what should take less than five minutes to make turn took twelve because of the traffic. Eventually, i got there, got my diesel and was on my way back to the rehearsal venue.
Without wasting any more time, as i was late for a meeting with one of the companies sponsoring the show, i got the security guard to see to the generator and warned him that i knew how long 50 litres would last to use it wisely if not, i’d report him and his sluggish manager to the owner. I told the play’s director to keep an eye on it.
Back on the road, meeting after meeting i looked at my watch, 4:45PM, i had a throbbing headache. All i could envision was my warm comfortable bed and pillow. I decided to head home. Usually a journey from Ikoyi to Lekki shouldn’t take you more than 30 minutes without traffic, but err...this is lagos we are talking about right? Got home at 6.50PM. Immediately i rushed to my room and crashed on my bed. One question kept playing over and over in my head as i drifted off to sleep; why am i here?
A couple of hours later, i got up and took quick shower and made some dinner. I turned on the TV and there he was, the governor of lagos running some campaign. It wasn’t the campaign that annoyed me but what he said at the end...’Eko oni baje o’ ....which sort of translates to Lagos is not bad or will never be bad. At that point if my mind were a censored movie all you’ll hear is beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
When you see a Nigerian smile, thats pure magic. For him / her to crack a smile having to contend with, traffic, heat, no light, no petrol, rude people and incompetent staff e.tc, that truly is pure magic.
